The Stonehenge Mistake

Ok. You win. All of you, you knitters who have overrun this site. You win. Now I need help.

So the Flying Fingers people left a box full of learn-to-knit kits with soy yarn and plastic needles and instructions for a simple scarf. And then they left. They left before they could teach me the cast-on, which now, after two hours of trying and a slightly sore left thumb and index finger, remains to me a mystery.

Also, and this is the best part, I mistook 8′ of fringe for 8″ of fringe, but not before I had removed 32′ of soy yarn from the beginning of my project. If you remember “This is Spinal Tap” — see post title — I’m dumber than Nigel Tufton, and I am the future owner of a very short scarf.

It’s quarter to eleven on a Friday night. I am trying to knit. And I can’t. Not only can I not knit, I can’t even do the thing you have to do before you begin to knit, the cast-on. That is to say, I cannot begin to knit. And it’s driving me crazy because I will knit, damn you all, I will knit.

If you live near Boston and can teach me to cast on, I will pay you TEN DOLLARS to meet me for a half-hour tomorrow. Email brendan radiooopensource org.

[update: Half an hour later I got an email from Allison Nevitt, who runs Circles, a knitting salon. I'm stopping by tomorrow. Please, no one tell my dad he raised a nancy. Also, right now I'm watching "All About Eve" on DVD. Gender roles are dancing together in the street. I gotta go fix a car or something.]